Can’t plan Life


My son Levi Adam Papa was born April 5th at 32 weeks 5 days. It was the biggest shock for my husband and I given that our daughter was overdue. I’ve dreaded posting about this, because it’s not something I like to think about. I was making my daughter breakfast and noticed lower back pain that would come every few minutes. When the pain started in my lower belly and started feeling like true contractions I called my doctor. At that point I felt it was maybe just something that would go away or when we went to the hospital contractions that the doctors could stop. It wasn’t until after I called my husband  that I knew these pains were labor. It was the scariest experience of my life. When I felt the need to push and felt nausous and trembling I immediately called 911. My labor pains were different from my son than they were with my daughter. My labor pains with my daughter Amelia were intense and one on top of the other. My water broke with her and I never had a break from the contractions that were hitting me. With my son my contractions were just as strong, but I would have a two minute break to try to stay calm for my daughter and my baby Levi. When I felt the contractions coming I was able to breathe through the pain as a distraction. Not that breathing took away the pain, but my long exhales helped me ride it out. By the time we made it to the hospital I was 10 centimeters dilated. The moment the doctor told me that I broke down in tears. I was scared for my baby, but the staff at Chilton Hospital were optimistic for me. “You’re going to have a baby today,” the doctor told me with a smile on her face.

When I pushed Levi out I cried more than I did when my daughter was born which was big, because we struggled with infertility to have her. I heard his little cry and felt relieved, that little cry made me feel that everything was going to be okay. It was instant love. I saw his little face and I saw my daughter all over again.


Levi is now almost 36 weeks old and almost a month old and we’re still waiting to bring him home. All was going well. I was getting adjusted to my pumping schedule, getting to see him twice a day or once at night and hold him and just accepting this as our reality that our baby was not home with us. It was moving along until he started having bloody stools. They transferred him to another hospital under the assumption that he had a serious premature condition call NEC. Until this day I still haven’t googled it nor do I want to. Because Levi by God’s grace didn’t get sicker as the doctors say in the days that followed- their belief that Levi was suffering from NEC lessened into more of a milk protein allergy assumption. This is a big week for us, because after days of no food and being given nutrients though an IV to control a possible NEC diagnosis, he has begun feedings with hydrolyzed formula. I am still pumping with the hope that when it is time to introduce my milk to him, he’ll react well to it.


I have cut out dairy from my diet for the past week, so by next week I’ll be two weeks without it. At the end of the day if he doesn’t react well to my milk then I have to give up breastfeeding to just have him home with me. I would love to give him my breastmilk, love to, but it could be so many things, What if it’s eggs, what if it’s soy, or nuts. I’m still holding out hope that he’ll do well with my liquid gold, but for now the first hurdle is getting him to do well with this formula. If he bloody stools again this week it means it isn’t a milk allergy, but more of an infection still in his body. I’m hoping this week goes well.

Can’t believe I got through this post.

In terms of my postpartum it has been different. In the hospital I was scared I would suffer postpartum depression, but all glory to God. God has kept me strong when I didn’t feel strong. I’ve been doing well. I’m counting my blessings. My baby is stable and doing well, my daughter is healthy, God has given me their little lives and I’m thankful and will not fear. And if I do fear, which I do I’m giving it all to God.

Physically my postpartum period is well. This labor wasn’t as hard on my body as my daughter. My daughter was full term weighing 8 pounds and my son was 4 pounds 4 ounces. My belly has gone down a lot faster than it did with my daughter. This picture below is one week, two weeks and three weeks postpartum. This week I put on the torture device called the belly bandit, would never use it sooner than that, and I find that it helped my belly button go from an outie to an inner overnight. I’ll be using it for the next three weeks to see if it helps. It’s really uncomfortable to wear because it rides up, however it has helped my posture. My posture sucks. Anyway I’ll try not to wait a million years to update. Hopefully my next post will be happy news, like a little someone being discharged and able to come home!




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